Feb
04My Every Monday Diet: The Vicious Cycle
Tagged Under : diet, funny, humor, life improvement, weight loss humor
Okay Me…today is Monday and I am definitely going to lose this last 15 pounds! This weight has been driving me nuts for years. I know I start a diet every Monday, but this Monday is different. This is the one that I am really going to stick to because, frankly, I am sick of seeing my fat self in the mirror.
I think I will go ahead and do a high protein/low carb type diet because this has worked for me in the past. I can have eggs so I will make myself an omelet. Lowfat cheese is allowed in limited amounts.
Unfortunately I don’t have lowfat cheese, nor do I have the income to simply throw away perfectly good food because of its fat content so I will go ahead and use this high fat cheese but in a much smaller portion. And I can see that I am at the end of this brick of cheese, too large a portion for this omelet and not enough for the next omelet so I will just go ahead and use the rest of it.
After all, if I am going to overindulge, breakfast is the best time to do it.
There is no bread allowed on this diet and I do like a bit of bread with my eggs. I spy the last half of Joyce’s very healthy whole wheat bread and think its high fiber content should make this particular bread an exception to the “no bread” rule. Yup, I think it will slip right under the radar. and even if it doesn’t I WILL NOT offend my friend Joyce by throwing her bread away, diet or no diet, nothing is worth that. Nope, t’ain’t happenin’, mister.
But in order to avoid the bread temptation, I will go ahead and eat the rest of it. One or two slices won’t hurt.
They were slightly oversized slices. I had to smash them with my bread board to squeeze them into the bagel side of my toaster. Oh well.
This toasted bread tastes best with sugar and cinnamon but no amount of sugar is allowed on this diet. I have a scratchy throat and this toast is very dry so for health reasons I think it advisable for me to use just a bit of butter to soothe the journey. Okay, two tablespoons of butter is alot, too much even, but OH WELL I didn’t kill anyone.
There are some chocolate chip cookies in the cupboard and if I remember correctly, I manage to lose weight ON THIS PARTICULAR- low carb diet even while indulging in an occasional sweet. I recognize that I may not be able to lose this weight quickly, but we all know that fast weight loss adds up to fast weight gain.
Now that I have eaten the buttery bread and cookies I must wonder if this high protein/low carb diet is really for me after all. I most certainly did once lose weight with this plan and for that I will be forever grateful. But I must also acknowledge that I am a very big fruit eater and I find this diet a bit too restrictive, especially in the summer months when fruit is in its peak season. Sure, I can have beans, and plenty of them. Beans are all well and good, but how many beans can one eat and remain socially viable?
No, I really think I must research a different, less restrictive type diet. Fortunately I have the entire week ahead of me to do this. I will eat carefully this week, use this time to regroup, and begin another more reasonable diet next Monday.
Amy Dee Kristensen is a humorist and motivational speaker. Learn more about motivational, humorist, speaking at AmyDeeKris.com!
Tags: diet, funny, humor, life improvement, weight loss humor
